In a family life, husband and wife should be true to themselves first. Some parents tell their sons that, “Let me see how you will become after marriage, you will become serious”. Some mothers tell their daughters, “Stop being so playful, after marriage you will have to adjust a lot”. So why this adjustment? Once a daughter told her mother that a guy is after her proposing her to get married and I don’t like him because, he says he doesn’t believe in heaven or hell”. The mother said, go ahead and marry him itself. After marriage he will start believing in hell and in turn he will start believing in heaven too. I think marriages are not a calling for adjustments but it’s of sharing. They should be as they are and if true love is there, they will understand each other.
Just after marriage, the husband and wife will travel together to places sometimes in public transport. Initially they will sit together, they say that during wedding the priest told that, “Hereafter you are not two but you are one”. When the wife become pregnant, the husband will sit on the back seat and wife on the front seat. After having couple of kids, the husband will say you leave by the first bus, I’ll take the second one. The first year, the wife will speak and husband will listen, second year husband will speak and wife will listen and third year both of them will speak and neighbors will listen. So the marriage has lost its sheen and I think it’s mainly because of the wrong presumptions with which they get into marriage.
There are some men who immediately start looking for any traces of cigarettes as soon as they reach home. It’s so awful right? Some women, as soon as the husband reaches home will check all his dress and if she finds a black long hair somewhere then she will ask, with which women you were today, if it’s a white hair she will ask, you won’t even leave old ladies right and if there’s no hair she will say, don’t try to fool me; with which bald lady you were today. So this has to somehow stop right? Doubt is the worst enemy that enters some families. Doubting one’s own spouse is like doubting the water that one drinks. So there should not be any kind of doubt at any stage of your life.
Made for each other is a term which many use only during the initial days of marriage but if it continues life long, it will be always good. A wife that speaks a lot gets a man who opens his mouth only to eat food and drink water. A person who doesn’t like praying gets a wife who is too much religious. See the fact is that if this truth is understood marriages could become a lot easier. A man’s shortcomings are purified by the wive’s positives which help him towards enlightenment and a women’s shortcomings should be purified by the husband’s positives which makes it easier for her to attain enlightenment and in saying so both of them cannot be of the same nature. You should understand and emphathise with each others’ shortfalls.
No one is stronger in married life. Both wife and husband are strong in their own ways. If men think that he’s stronger then it’s wrong. For instance have you noted that women can manage bodily pain much easier and men can’t? If giving birth to a child was a man’s duty, then with the first delivery, the world would have come to an end.
In a married life husband and wife should never use the words the other person doesn’t like to hear. Speaking words that the other person dislikes to hear and words of provocation can hamper the peace that could prevail in a family. Once the wife was dressing up to go to church and the husband just asked, “Are you going to church dear”? She immediately replied “No I’m going to hell, are you coming with me”? The husband said,” No it’s fine I’m here, anyway you are going to hell, you just convey my regards to your dad when you reach there”. You see one unnecessary answer creates issues.
Some people keep on complaining about one thing or the other. Once the wife prepared a boiled egg along with breakfast and the husband said, “I was expecting fried eggs today”. Second day she made fried eggs and he said “I was expecting boiled eggs today”. The third day she made both boiled egg and fried egg so that he doesn’t have a problem and seeing that the husband said, “ See this is your problem, the egg that was supposed to be fried , you boiled it and the egg that was supposed to be boiled, you fried it. This is a major problem many men and women have, they keep on complaining about certain things and sometimes everything. I think acceptance is the key word here which can help them lead a peaceful life.
The husband should delight in the presence of the wife and vice versa. It is said that Adam who was very silent first gave a broad smile when he saw Eve. Men are the happiest when they first find the women they love. After that where does the happiness go and why?
Some families are like a cemetery. It’s all silence all over the home. They don’t find any topic to speak about. When he goes out with his friend, he has all the topics in the world to speak and share. The only thing some couples discuss is weather. Today weather is bit fine, the clouds are dark, I think it’s going to rain. If climate changes were not there, many families today would have become permanent cemeteries. Communication is one of the most important aspect that keep the marriage safe and together and it has to grow day by day; not become less.
Some families are hell where there’s no love. It is said in the Bible that, before creating Eve, God made Adam to enter a deep sleep so that he could make Eve by taking one of his ribs. Then God told it seems “Sleep sleep how much ever you want today; today is the last day you can do that because I’m going to create Eve”. I believe that where there’s Love that itself is Heaven and where there’s no Love that is hell. Similarly, the husband and wife should have freedom in all ways. As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, marriage shouldn’t be just adjustments, it should be of freedom. Once a priest came to my house and my son who was 3 years old was running around without a single piece of clothing in his body. So I told him “Son, don’t you see church priest has come? Go wear something and come. He went inside and came back celebrated wearing just his sandals as if he obeyed my words literally. So he can do at his age, but that is freedom.
Sex is not the foundation of family life but it is definitely an important aspect in married life. Some women complain that the husband even after becoming so old doesn’t give her peace at bed. Well, it is said that, as far as a men are concerned his sexual urge will be alive up to five minutes even after his death. You see sometimes, Mondays wife will be fasting, Tuesdays it will be all saints day, Wednesdays there will be some puja day and when will she have some day for the husband? Women should not blame her husband if she’s always engaged and he tries to find someone who’s not engaged with 100 or 200 bucks. Once when I wrote this in another blog page, one gentleman replied that, “Where on earth are you living man? Now you won’t get anyone for 100 or 200, you need to spend at least 700-1000 bucks”.
Peace, love and prayers